Thursday, September 1
I miss everything. I truly do. If I say no, I'm only faking myself. I'm truly unstable now. I have my family, but there are things which they can't support. I want a live, to be free and do what I please with it. But now it seems my wings are clipped again. I want to be out there. I need to be out there. But why don't they ever let me be? I was once happy about it, but now I'm feeling stressed and pressured with it. Everything I do needs to be checked. Everything I say has to be heard. I'm holding everything in me so tighly, but I'm not sure until when I can hold it in. I want my own space. I need my own space. Give me space. I'm trying to be the best that I can, but everyone is making it so hard for me. In me, there's a turmoil going happening. I'm no more the 7 year old child. I've grown into someone who has been taught what was right and what was wrong. I'm no more the person who used to say yes to everything without disagreement. I've change into a person who now speaks his mind about everything. I feel I'm in a world where all the eyes are on me. 24/7 staring me down like hawks waiting for me to screw up somewhere somehow. All I ask for now is just some space of my own. If only I could say what I always wanted, but don't think they would ever understand and accept it. Time is ticking like a a candle burning by the window. When the light burns out, will darkness take over, or will there be another light to make things brighter again? All I ask is for ears to hear my sadness, eyes to see my sorrow, words to give me strength, hands to give me courage, shoulder to carry this tears. But its never easy. In life, we must face the challenges on our own. That is what that makes us stronger day by day. To keep fighting through it all without giving up. I'm just unstable now. I might just tumble and fall. But I need to pick my self up again, feel the pain, and walk again. Unstable. Make it stable.