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My Words

You know some people or should I say my friends think I'm being unprofessional or too emotional about my status on Facebook. Well here's what I have to say. I've never spoken my mind off before. So if you're going to take what I've written seriously then it's fine with me. All I can say is, if you're hurt then I'm sorry but I had to speak my mind off. You know, they say they've been quite patient with me but listen, look who's more patient now. They say whenever I'm moody and angry they just kept quiet all the time. What about when you guys are moody or upset ? Have I ever spoken anything to you or said anything that might make you mad ? These is the first time I've written such a thing in my Facebook. I've never done it before. But why did I wrote it? It's because there hasn't been anything going into you guys. You know, they say 'he should have just sat down and discuss instead of putting out such status'. Well to me what I write, it doesn't mean you got to take it with you. If you want to take it personally then there's nothing I can do. What I write is just for me. It's a place where I express my feelings. Now I know you guys will think 'what kind of guy is he ?'. Well you know, I've given up my hope. If I'm to loose my friends because of that then it's fine with me. I can't force you guys to be friends with me if deep down inside you guys hate me. If I'm to be alone, that may it be. If I'm to be alienated then I'll accept it. If I'm to be hated by others then let it be. I'm just another human being. Well who am I to judge a book by its cover right ?. Sometimes I wonder all the things I've done for them, is it really worth it ? I've spend my cash just make a happy situation. I've spend my feelings to conform others. I've spend my energy just to make them smile. The things that I've spend, have I ever ask them back ? Have I ever demanded it back from you guys ? Have I ever force you guys to give it back ? Some might say yes, but is it true ? Some of you might say I've change but take a mirror and look yourself in it. One thing is for sure. Everybody changes. I change, you change. I've driven you guys around and you know what, it cost my hundreds because the damage suffered I had to bear. I've splash on you guys and you know what I had to tie my stomach to survive. I've comfort you guys in sadness but I've suffered on my own in tears. My heart has been in chaos, has anyone ask about it ?. Now as I write I'm in tears. Tears that I shall collect and throw away for memories to last a lifetime. Things I've done to be kept as memories. I've known many people in my life for as long I have lived more then you guys might have ever known. Some of you might say my ego is too big but it's not about my ego. If it was I would have written nasty things that will hurt you the most. Everyone is a human being Gods creation. He gave us emotions for us too live. Everyone has it. Everyone has their ups and downs. So this is my down. Some of you might have been hurt but I can't care anymore cause I've been hurt to many times too. I've never said anything. Maybe sometimes is like what my mum used to say," you can have a million friends but if none of them understands you, is better having one which truly understands you". I've always hold on to my mum's words. Because she is my only friend who understands me. All my troubles I've shared with her. All my pain she has known them. I love my mum. My tears are falling again. I've always known things you have can't last forever unless you take care of it. But I've taken care of it so much until I've forgotten myself. I've forgotten to care for myself and how to make myself happy anymore. Things I've done well might have been forgotten. But things you've done I have not forgotten them. My emotions are running dry. I can't bear to think or care anymore. Maybe I need to distance myself awhile from everyone. To clear my mind and think straight back on track. If you hardly see me, it means I'm healing myself back. I got to heal back from everything I've suffered. I have been burn so deep that a scare has been left on my heart. I need space and time for myself. I've given to much of myself to others. I love my loved ones and care for my close ones. Cherish what you have. Don't be a burden to others. If I'm a burden or a pain let me know. If I've done something wrong tell it to me. Now I couldn't care anymore. Friends I'm changing. Maybe you might loose me someday. Maybe I won't always be here someday. Well for once I've had great memories with you. My words are for my own, and my own to stay.