So this post has been long overdue. I have been wanting to write all my thoughts down but somewhere somehow I always didn't manage to do it at all. For what reasons? Well it is always the same reasons over and over again. Work, busy, no time, lazy, hungry (how does this effect I'm not sure), fussy, hazy and all other excuses you can think of actually.
Hello by Adele is just awesome!
Anyway, the past two to three months has been filled with life learning lessons which has made me a much wiser and matured person in away plus making me a more "don't take things so seriously" person. Learning to understand, forgive, forget, stepping away and all those itsy bitsy stuff has surely made an impact on me.
But out of everything, I wouldn't say I've regretted anything but I just wished I've made better decisions and took better steps to improve not just myself but for the people around me.
So recently (not that recent actually) I met up with an individual who I've got to know from my previous company and somehow we can just talk about life like there's no tomorrow. We’ve both bonded and certainly had our own fair share of memories. It is kind of funny how I can understand this person while others are always judging. I still remember the moment when we were on the way to an event, she broke down because she was going through some tough time at that moment. Since then I guess we’ve just got along just fine, although I must admit I’m the worst kind of friend who doesn’t like to reply to text on time or even calls. Forgive me! Anyway, we’re both very open with each other and it is certainly comforting when you have someone who you can just talk about anything especially your life stories or love stories.
Anyway, before that meet up and talk, I made another life changing decision which was to end a relationship which I was in at a point of time. It was my fourth relationship (yes fourth not 14th) which lasted exactly 11 months. It wasn't an easy decision for me, seriously it wasn't. It actually took me quite some time to call it quits. However the biggest trigger for me to totally flip the "off" switch was an incident which took place within the vicinity of a club. What happened that night showed me what may take place in the future and it wasn't something I'm looking forward to. Lets just say, jealousy is like a poison that cannot be treated so easily. Putting that story aside, personally I believe, the main reason why it was time for me to end it was because of the type communication there was between both sides. It's not that we don't talk or see each other and stuff, but it was just purely communication in the sense of language and understanding.
As you all know, I'm a banana (which means I can't speak Chinese although I'm Chinese partially) and my other half at that time was a pure Chinese speaking person. I mean English and Malay was still in the list of vocabulary but it still wasn't easy. So how did language affect the relationship? Simple. In a form of text or verbally, interpretation of the meanings behind those words always gets misinterpreted and at the end of the day, something simple goes topsy turvy. When that happens, hell breaks loose. With multiple occurrence of such incident, cracks will start to appear. Just like the wall within your home. If the foundation is not well formed or the structure is not well build, the surface of a clear white all will eventually start to crack. As time goes by, these cracks becomes more visible and wider. Apart from communication, the other reason was compatibility.
Many did asked how did I ended up in that relationship. I guess my main reason was I wanted to be in one. It was a hasty decision which I made. Many saw that we were both not compatible at all but yet I thought to myself, why not give it a try. If you don't try you don't know and after trying now I know. I may sound like a selfish, heart breaker, demanding person but I feel these are all facts of life.
Having ended a relationship (never easy), of course after that I started dating again. I won't deny a fact about me which is I'm not like the others out there who would take months or years to heal back. I've been there and done that. It comes to a point for me that life is too short to keep harping over something that is in the past. To me life is like a story, The pen is in your hand and you write the story. If you don't start writing, you will always be a blank page.
So not long after ending my relationship, I met an individual who was quite refreshing. Having met a few before, this person had a very outgoing personality and having that personality around just gives you that sense of warmth feeling. Going to the juicy part, we dated for around 2 months (almost) and for the first few weeks I would say it was certainly a sweet experience like literally. Sugar was certainly part of the dating phase. Everything was smooth sailing until misunderstandings took place. I think when you have two individuals who are outgoing and quite hot headed (I can be hot headed at times), things tend to get a little heated up. Anyway cutting it short, in the end, it didn't work out between us. The other party decided that we should remain as friends and personally I feel being friends was a good plan as well. Why am I agreeing to it? Certainly I wished it was more than just friends however commitment was an issue which can be seen. When you notice a person finds it hard to commit to something such as time, you know that person is either not ready, work is always first, a relationship is not in the books, it could be you're just not the right cup of tea or just the person simply has a different set priorities.
Although I'm pretty okay with what happened between me and this date, there is one thing that hit me quite hard. The disappointment. Among the many I've met, I think this individual was my biggest disappointment by far. Why is it so was because of how things went I believe. How we ended up as being friends was actually after me flying to a place to be meet and be with that person. The reason for me to be there was to spend some quality time together over a certain period of time even though it would be tough. Unfortunately, after 36 hours since I landed there, I was told of that decision and it got me thinking, "So I flew here to meet you and you had to tell me this? How awesome was that. Couldn't pick a better day?". But after unfolding all those heart wrenching drama between us, 4 hours later I flew back home and that was the end. It actually felt like I was on a business trip. Yes I was angry as well but there's no point to it. Sadness and anger doesn't work well. But after a few days I was okay even though I had to do quite a lot of explanation when I got back and some bullshitting. #ThingsIDo.
One thing about me is that when I've met a person and if I am dating that person, my focus would solely be on that individual and nobody else. I'm not sure if it's a problem? Some say I should keep my options open but to me I disagree. #Fact - I've got lots to focus on and wanting me to focus on so many individuals, I'm not so free.
If you've made up your mind to date one, why would you want to go around hunting and seeing so many faces? Is it cause you're some emperor who needs constant entertainment? Anyway, having said that, it is still a matter of personal preferences so we shall not judge a person if he or she does that.
Moving on with my version of a love story, after much thought, I did actually consider not to date at all for a period of time because I just felt I needed some time to gather back my life and do the things that I love the most. You know that point in life when you think to yourself "Hey love yourself first la why love others?", but some how it didn't happen because obviously I met someone. Now you're thinking I'm just some fast pace runner?
So, I am back in the dating scene again recently with an unexpected individual. Honestly speaking, I wasn't all that friendly to begin with it. When we first started talking, I was kinda cold or very cold towards that person. Text would come in the early day and I would only reply by night fall. Text would be in my inbox today but I would only reply two days later. Invitation to meet up would always be thrown to me but I would give 101 of excuses that I'm not able to meet up. From time to time I would reply however with the sole purpose of not being an asshole that's all.
However after sometime, something made me realise about this person. The persistence shown caught my attention and I thought to myself, just give it a try. Get to know this person as there's no harm to it and you can never judge a person. What they are in text are not the same as they are in person. So I agreed to our very first meet up and it certainly went well. It was just pure coffee, pastries and talks for a couple of hours. Since then, we've been meeting and texting quite consistently till today. Having a memorable conversation is so hard to come by these days as everyone is so obsess with other stuff in life till we forgot the simplest things in life.
I've actually never felt this happy for sometime and somehow with this individual, I just seem to smile more. I guess that's a good thing right?
Creating memories is what I want. Creating memories with someone special is what I wished for. Creating memories with you is indescribable.
Hello by Adele is just awesome!